All figures below pertain to the duration between January 1st, 2013, and February 25th, 2013.
3: The number of Magic tournaments I appeared at.
2: The number of those events which were Grands Prix.
9: The number of sharpies I wore out during those events.
2: The number of sharpies that were silver (the rest were black).
8: The number of days spent signing autographs.
62: The total number of hours spent signing during those 8 days.
2: The number of lunch breaks taken during those same 8 days.
12: The total number of ibuprofin taken to address back and wrist issues from sitting all day doing nothing but signing my name and drawing.
1: The number of cards accidentally signed that were not ones I did art for.
2: The number of cards intentionally signed that were not ones I did art for.
1: The number of items signed that were not related to the game of Magic (it was a copy of the first Badass book).
0: The number of card alterations done.
10: The number of hours spent working on playmat commissions in hotel rooms after signing all day.
42: The number of times I was asked if I was a digital artist.
1,600: The appoximate number of players that attended the Magic Grand Prix Atlantic City in January.
2,693:
The total number of players in attendance at the Magic Grand Prix Charlotte
this past weekend, making it not only the biggest Grand Prix ever, but
the biggest Magic tournament in the game's history. Additional
interesting numbers on the subject can be found here: link.
3: The number of on-camera interviews done.
9: The number of hours spent driving.
470: The number of miles driven.
2: The number of flights taken.
1: The number of locations visited that were new to me (Charlotte, NC).
3: The number of other Magic artists I spent time with (r.k. post, Eric Deschamps, Terese Nielsen).
3: The number of meals shared with any of those other artists.
10: The number of hours spent making prints in preparation for the events.
4: The total number of prints destroyed by my printer.
3: The number of hours spent packing.
2: The number of hours spent unpacking.
3: The total number of days spent recovering.
3: The number of months until I make another appearance (Spectrum Fantastic Art Live in May).
Additional facts:
The card I signed most often: Overgrown Tomb.
The runner up: Gravecrawler.
The event I did in Edison, NJ, was the most offensive smelling event I'd ever been to. The entire venue smelled strongly of wet dog due to the combination of a dog show that was running at the venue simultaneously and the winter storm which preceded the weekend.
Numbers I wish I had:
The total number of cards signed.
The total number of a particular card signed.
The total number of autographs.
The total number of playmat drawings.
The total number of times I screwed up my own signature.
The Work and Musings of Illustrator Steven Belledin
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Syndicate Enforcer
Syndicate Enforcer is about as straightforward a piece as one can get, really. There really are no interesting facts to share other than that it was the first piece that I painted after I moved to New Jersey. I remember that the house was just barely unpacked when I finally started it, and I remember feeling very odd sitting in the new studio. Still, the sketch came together pretty easily after receiving the following art order:
There's a part of me that wishes I'd translated the images I remembered from those commercials more literally in terms of composition, but I'm not unhappy with how that sketch came out. And neither were the folks at Wizards. They approved it.
Before I move on, I need to provide a little back story for those who aren't completely up to date on their Magic lore. This piece is set in Ravnica, which is a plane entirely covered in city — kinda like Coruscant in Star Wars, only with no Jedi and fewer diners. Within this city, ten guilds vie for control. Each of these guilds draw power from two of the five environments in Magic (plains, forests, islands, mountains, and swamps). Each of these environments has a corresponding color associated with it (plains are white, forests are green, islands are blue, mountains are red, and swamps are black). The central figure of this image — as mentioned in the art order above — is from the Orzhov Syndicate, which draws its power (or mana) from the plains and the swamp and so is associated with the colors white and black.
Black and white are awesome. Except when you're trying to paint a full-color piece. As such, over the years, those images associated with white and black cards have had to expand their color repertoire a bit. Yellow has joined white to help represent the plains and purple has joined black to represent the swamps. And so it was that I came to the rather easy decision that this piece would be a play between yellow and purple.
Boy that was a very long-winded explanation.
Anyway, I went to paint and stuck to my intentions pretty closely. Except that I didn't. Well, not entirely. The problem was that I wasn't completely satisfied with the straight yellow and violet palette. I found I liked it better when I introduced more orange and brown into the mix. On the whole, it felt more visually congealed. So, once again, I went with it, and here's how the piece came out:
The painting's the usual oil on paper on hardboard and measures 14 inches wide by 11 inches tall.
Before submitting the piece to Wizards, I ended up removing a bit of red from the image in order to make it a much straighter yellow and purple image as initially intended. I thought it would work better for their purposes. But the image above is pretty accurate to the painting.
At the end of the day, I rather like this piece. It's not pushing the envelope in any way, and it's not really a think piece, but it tells a story and provides a decent level of atmosphere. I think it does exactly what it's supposed to do.
Here's what it looks like in card form:
ART DESCRIPTION:The first thing that came to mind after reading that description was the image of Billy Dee Williams walking down a dark, smokey alley in shots from one of his Colt 45 beer commercials from the 80's. To some reading this, that will seem like a pretty obscure reference, but I suspect there are some of you who will know exactly what I'm talking about. Of course, I have no idea why the image of Mr. Williams walking down that street all cool and collected with his trench coat blowing in the wind was the mental leap I made, but I accepted it and went with it. This sketch is the result:
Color: Black creature (Orzhov guild)
Location: Behind a shopfront in Ravnica, or some other out-of-the-public-eye location in the city
Action: Show an Orzhov enforcer, a kind of well-paid thug that comes to bleed people of their hard-earned wealth. He's human and dressed in dark Orzhov armor like the knight on p. 137A (Ravnica world guide), but instead of a helmet or faceplate, he wears a hooded cloak over his armor. He looks strong, merciless, and mean -- the perfect Orzhov extortion-bully. Perhaps he's stalking off (toward us) with a coin purse, after having roughed up his victim (in the background, maybe a stunned Ravnican elf is slumped against a stone wall -- but don't draw focus from the thug himself).
Focus: The Orzhov enforcer-thug
Mood: One of the many criminal jerks who keeps the power structure of the Orzhov running "smoothly"
 |
| ©Wizards of the Coast |
Before I move on, I need to provide a little back story for those who aren't completely up to date on their Magic lore. This piece is set in Ravnica, which is a plane entirely covered in city — kinda like Coruscant in Star Wars, only with no Jedi and fewer diners. Within this city, ten guilds vie for control. Each of these guilds draw power from two of the five environments in Magic (plains, forests, islands, mountains, and swamps). Each of these environments has a corresponding color associated with it (plains are white, forests are green, islands are blue, mountains are red, and swamps are black). The central figure of this image — as mentioned in the art order above — is from the Orzhov Syndicate, which draws its power (or mana) from the plains and the swamp and so is associated with the colors white and black.
Black and white are awesome. Except when you're trying to paint a full-color piece. As such, over the years, those images associated with white and black cards have had to expand their color repertoire a bit. Yellow has joined white to help represent the plains and purple has joined black to represent the swamps. And so it was that I came to the rather easy decision that this piece would be a play between yellow and purple.
Boy that was a very long-winded explanation.
Anyway, I went to paint and stuck to my intentions pretty closely. Except that I didn't. Well, not entirely. The problem was that I wasn't completely satisfied with the straight yellow and violet palette. I found I liked it better when I introduced more orange and brown into the mix. On the whole, it felt more visually congealed. So, once again, I went with it, and here's how the piece came out:
 |
| ©Wizards of the Coast |
Before submitting the piece to Wizards, I ended up removing a bit of red from the image in order to make it a much straighter yellow and purple image as initially intended. I thought it would work better for their purposes. But the image above is pretty accurate to the painting.
At the end of the day, I rather like this piece. It's not pushing the envelope in any way, and it's not really a think piece, but it tells a story and provides a decent level of atmosphere. I think it does exactly what it's supposed to do.
Here's what it looks like in card form:
Friday, February 1, 2013
Nightveil Specter
Oh boy. Nightveil Specter. What can I say about this piece? Well, I could tell you that when I painted it, it was tied for the title of largest Magic painting I'd done. There's a fun fact. I can tell you that it was among the first pieces I painted after I moved to New Jersey a little over a year ago. I suppose that's another fun fact. And lastly, I will tell you that it stood in the shadow of another piece from the very beginning. That fact is less fun.
The piece started with a description. This is that description:
The art director's motives for sending me the original image are beyond me. For all I know, it might have been completely innocent and been more about the sharing of cool art than anything else. Intentions aside, I saw the inclusion of that email attachment as a challenge. Min Yum's image is what I was expected to live up to, and I've got to be honest, I really wasn't confident in my ability to manage that.
Now, I'd done several promotional images for Magic to that point, and nbever before had I been provided with the other versions. I was happy with this. I liked that I was off on my own to figure out what I could. It's not that I was free of influence on those occasions (style guides still were a factor), but at least the influence wasn't so specific. For example, there's a vast difference between being given an art order that turns out to be a description of the Mona Lisa with landscape and era-appropriate clothing provided for reference, and being given a picture of the Mona Lisa and being told "paint this... but, you know...different."
This situation shouldn't be all that dissimilar to any of those times I did new art for existing Magic cards, though, right? You know, like I did for Kiki-Jiki and Izzet Chronarch. Well, despite the fact that it pretty much is the same thing, there's a very important factor that's different: time. When I've been asked to do new art for existing cards, the cards have been around for years. With the passage of those years has come a shift in the aesthetic of Magic and often a shift in what the art needs to depict. There's inherent freshness built in.
With Nightveil Specter, for the first time, I was being given a piece that was brand new, very specific and clear, and being asked to do my own thing with it. All I can say is that I had a heck of a time doing it. Try as I might, I couldn't get Min Yum's original out of my head. I suppose I might have been able to come at the piece with a clean(er) slate if I didn't like the original version or had a lot of faults with it, but that just wasn't the case here. I felt like a headlining act that had just been blown out of the water by the opening act before even getting a chance to take the stage.
Still, I did what I could. I sketched away and came up with this.
Looking at the sketch, I almost wish I could have painted it in black and white, but of course that just wasn't possible. On the other hand, the folks at Wizards seemed to like the piece enough to give it the green light and I was permitted to move forward to paint. Before doing so, however, I passed it by my brotherhood of evil illustrators to see what they had to say, and while there were a few suggested tweaks, they seemed to dig it at this point. And so I took it to paint.
As I began to work it up, I realized that the moody, atmospheric vibe I'd gone for in the sketch felt too similar to me to that original version. I began to worry about whether or not I'd been too affected by that really solid image, and came to the conclusion that I needed to further differentiate my own piece from Min Yum's. I did this in two ways. First, I shifted my palette away from the original. Second, I decided to articulate a lot more of the city below. Sure there'd still be some degree of atmosphere, but I thought it'd be cool to actually show the city and give some reason for the creature's lighting. Or something.
Point being, areas that on the sketch are just smears of gray gradually became a city. Not surprisingly, this took quite a bit of time, and before I knew it I was neck deep in the most prolonged battle with a Magic painting I've ever fought. This thing ate three weeks of my life and I grew to hate it as a result. The worst part was that I never knew when any aspect of it was finished. I just kept throwing man hours at it in hopes that it would magically come together. Truth be told, the only reason I stopped working on it was because it was due.
The end result is a bit muddled in terms of value. In fact, I think it's a lot muddled. What started as a strong sketch full of contrast and light became a much murkier image. What's worse is that I didn't do myself any favors when I scanned it, brought it into Photoshop and started color correcting the thing. I boosted the color saturation and skewed the color into a purer color palette for reasons I can't even begin to explain. Either way, the card has been printed, and I think it's clear that I failed to meet the perceived challenge.
At least the fight was over. But, it turns out, the story isn't.
After turning it in, I submitted the image to my illustrator cabal. While the responses were kind, there were still clearly things that nagged at them and nagged at me. Still, I'd spent a few weeks trying to nail this thing down and I just didn't have the heart to do a few more rounds. And so the thing sat on top of my flat files staring at me for months. At some point I got tired of seeing it and I chucked it in a mostly empty drawer. Then more time passed.
Finally, in December, I pulled it out of its drawer to take a look at it again. I pondered it for a while and decided to pull out the paints and mess with it again to see if I could improve it some. Besides, I'd forgotten to sign the thing, so there was that. After a few days of tweaks, I decided it was done. Once dry, I took another stab at color correcting it. This is as close as I can make the digital image look to the original painting:
The painting is 20" x 16" and is oil on paper on hardboard. It's not brilliant, but it's done.
Here it is in card form:
Note: the color shift in the card image is there to represent that the card was printed on foil paper. It's all metallic and shiny and whatnot. At least I think it is. Either that or I really need to check my file settings.
Post Script: I probably gave the impression that I'm unhappy with the finished painting. In truth, I'm quite pleased. If I didn't like it at all, I probably wouldn't have taken the time to go back in a tweak it a bit. Truth be told, I'm a bit confounded by how much better the piece works at a larger scale, but I suspect it has a lot to do with the level and type of detail involved with the piece. It's entirely possible that I found my personal threshold of how large a piece is too large to successfully translate into a Magic card. Whatever the case may be, I'm the type of person who dwells on the faults within a piece and this case is no different. I guess I can add dwelling on the reproduction to that, as well.
The piece started with a description. This is that description:
[Nightveil Specter]Seems simple enough, right? Nothing weird or unusual. Except, of course, for the minor fact that the description was accompanied by a note and an attachment (which is, actually, very unusual). The note made it clear that this piece was for a promotional card, which meant that my version would essentially be the alternate version. The file attached to the email, it turned out, was the original piece of the art which had just been turned in. Here is that art:
Color: Blue/Black creature (Dimir guild)
Location: The night sky over Ravnica.
Action: Show us a Dimir specter [similar to the one in Line styleguide p. 319C] who is flying through the night sky on some gruesome mount. Perhaps the mount could be an undead cross between a naked mole rat and a bat (don’t be too literal). Maybe the creature is up-lit from the ambient light from the city or a stained glass window that it is flying by.
Focus: The Dimir specter and its hideous mount.
Mood: Horrifying and deadly.
The art director's motives for sending me the original image are beyond me. For all I know, it might have been completely innocent and been more about the sharing of cool art than anything else. Intentions aside, I saw the inclusion of that email attachment as a challenge. Min Yum's image is what I was expected to live up to, and I've got to be honest, I really wasn't confident in my ability to manage that.
Now, I'd done several promotional images for Magic to that point, and nbever before had I been provided with the other versions. I was happy with this. I liked that I was off on my own to figure out what I could. It's not that I was free of influence on those occasions (style guides still were a factor), but at least the influence wasn't so specific. For example, there's a vast difference between being given an art order that turns out to be a description of the Mona Lisa with landscape and era-appropriate clothing provided for reference, and being given a picture of the Mona Lisa and being told "paint this... but, you know...different."
This situation shouldn't be all that dissimilar to any of those times I did new art for existing Magic cards, though, right? You know, like I did for Kiki-Jiki and Izzet Chronarch. Well, despite the fact that it pretty much is the same thing, there's a very important factor that's different: time. When I've been asked to do new art for existing cards, the cards have been around for years. With the passage of those years has come a shift in the aesthetic of Magic and often a shift in what the art needs to depict. There's inherent freshness built in.
With Nightveil Specter, for the first time, I was being given a piece that was brand new, very specific and clear, and being asked to do my own thing with it. All I can say is that I had a heck of a time doing it. Try as I might, I couldn't get Min Yum's original out of my head. I suppose I might have been able to come at the piece with a clean(er) slate if I didn't like the original version or had a lot of faults with it, but that just wasn't the case here. I felt like a headlining act that had just been blown out of the water by the opening act before even getting a chance to take the stage.
Still, I did what I could. I sketched away and came up with this.
 |
| ©Wizards of the Coast |
As I began to work it up, I realized that the moody, atmospheric vibe I'd gone for in the sketch felt too similar to me to that original version. I began to worry about whether or not I'd been too affected by that really solid image, and came to the conclusion that I needed to further differentiate my own piece from Min Yum's. I did this in two ways. First, I shifted my palette away from the original. Second, I decided to articulate a lot more of the city below. Sure there'd still be some degree of atmosphere, but I thought it'd be cool to actually show the city and give some reason for the creature's lighting. Or something.
Point being, areas that on the sketch are just smears of gray gradually became a city. Not surprisingly, this took quite a bit of time, and before I knew it I was neck deep in the most prolonged battle with a Magic painting I've ever fought. This thing ate three weeks of my life and I grew to hate it as a result. The worst part was that I never knew when any aspect of it was finished. I just kept throwing man hours at it in hopes that it would magically come together. Truth be told, the only reason I stopped working on it was because it was due.
 |
| ©Wizards of the Coast |
At least the fight was over. But, it turns out, the story isn't.
After turning it in, I submitted the image to my illustrator cabal. While the responses were kind, there were still clearly things that nagged at them and nagged at me. Still, I'd spent a few weeks trying to nail this thing down and I just didn't have the heart to do a few more rounds. And so the thing sat on top of my flat files staring at me for months. At some point I got tired of seeing it and I chucked it in a mostly empty drawer. Then more time passed.
Finally, in December, I pulled it out of its drawer to take a look at it again. I pondered it for a while and decided to pull out the paints and mess with it again to see if I could improve it some. Besides, I'd forgotten to sign the thing, so there was that. After a few days of tweaks, I decided it was done. Once dry, I took another stab at color correcting it. This is as close as I can make the digital image look to the original painting:
 |
| ©Wizards of the Coast |
Here it is in card form:
Note: the color shift in the card image is there to represent that the card was printed on foil paper. It's all metallic and shiny and whatnot. At least I think it is. Either that or I really need to check my file settings.
Post Script: I probably gave the impression that I'm unhappy with the finished painting. In truth, I'm quite pleased. If I didn't like it at all, I probably wouldn't have taken the time to go back in a tweak it a bit. Truth be told, I'm a bit confounded by how much better the piece works at a larger scale, but I suspect it has a lot to do with the level and type of detail involved with the piece. It's entirely possible that I found my personal threshold of how large a piece is too large to successfully translate into a Magic card. Whatever the case may be, I'm the type of person who dwells on the faults within a piece and this case is no different. I guess I can add dwelling on the reproduction to that, as well.
Monday, January 21, 2013
Personal Piece Update 7
I probably could have written several updates about this piece in the last couple weeks, but it would have been almost completely pointless given that the changes were redundant from day to day and concentrated in a fairly small portion of the painting. Essentially I've been repainting the face over and over again and have reworked it somewhere around ten times. However, I think I'm finally pretty close to where it needs to be at this point, so I figured it was actually worth throwing together this update. At long last.
Admittedly this is not the best photo quality-wise, and I once again failed to eliminate my painting rag casually hung over the top of the canvas. Still, you get the idea. At least I hope you do. Point is, the clouds and environs outside the window are starting to come together, and as mentioned before, so is the face.
Buuuuuuuut that's about it.
Still, I'll give you another shot where the face is more prominent so as to highlight what I've spent so much time working on.
So, why was the face so challenging and why was it so important? Simple. I shot a model for this painting, and rather than using the model as an analogue of some generic fantasy woman, I wanted to achieve a decent likeness. Now, it's been a while since I've gone after a good likeness and I'd actually like it to be a decent one. With that in mind, while I may have had a serviceable face painted to this point, it was wrong enough for me to be bothered by it. But then, I know the model and have seen the reference. Long story short, she's a lot closer to what she needs to be for my happiness, so I feel like I can start to move on again. Unfortunately, I've got assignments and travel that will keep forward momentum to a minimum.
Anyway, that's about all I've got. I wish I had more to tell you, but alas I do not. Until next time....
Admittedly this is not the best photo quality-wise, and I once again failed to eliminate my painting rag casually hung over the top of the canvas. Still, you get the idea. At least I hope you do. Point is, the clouds and environs outside the window are starting to come together, and as mentioned before, so is the face.
Buuuuuuuut that's about it.
Still, I'll give you another shot where the face is more prominent so as to highlight what I've spent so much time working on.
So, why was the face so challenging and why was it so important? Simple. I shot a model for this painting, and rather than using the model as an analogue of some generic fantasy woman, I wanted to achieve a decent likeness. Now, it's been a while since I've gone after a good likeness and I'd actually like it to be a decent one. With that in mind, while I may have had a serviceable face painted to this point, it was wrong enough for me to be bothered by it. But then, I know the model and have seen the reference. Long story short, she's a lot closer to what she needs to be for my happiness, so I feel like I can start to move on again. Unfortunately, I've got assignments and travel that will keep forward momentum to a minimum.
Anyway, that's about all I've got. I wish I had more to tell you, but alas I do not. Until next time....
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Regarding the Funk
Unexpectedly I got quite a few emails, messages and questions about the last post and I thought it worth addressing some of the recurring questions asked and comments made.
First off, several folks pointed out that it sounded as though I were complaining about something that they themselves were aspiring to do and were quick to point out how lucky I am to be working on projects like Magic: the Gathering. So, how dare I complain about being unfulfilled.
I'm not going to argue my good fortune. It's true, after all. Magic is a great client that has treated me insanely well. While I do have complaints, they're minor ones that aren't the sort of thing that would cause me to walk away from anything. The issue of lack of fulfillment, as I see it, is not client or project specific. It's not even their fault. The shortcomings are my own. Of late, I've found my ability to turn many of my assignments into things that get me excited rather lacking. While I think I've kept my work to a certain level of quality, there's a spark that I feel is missing. If I'm not excited about something, it's impossible for me to make exciting work, and I feel like it's only a matter of time before that becomes apparent in the end result (if it hasn't already).
The actual cause for all of this is multifaceted and is something that has resulted in a lot of soul searching. Unfortunately, I don't have any clear answers apart from genre fatigue and a permeating sense of temporariness in much of my life. There are lots of things that add to the mix, but I'm working on it. The crux of the matter is that it's not really the fault of the clients, so please relax.
Second, I've been asked by a couple folks what I'd actually be excited to do. That's a hard question for me to answer. To be honest, I feel like I've suffered a degree of creativity drain. The increased prevalence of style guides in the industry has allowed parts of my brain to disengage to a certain extent. I'm not thinking about cool ideas as much as I once did and instead follow the art orders and style sheets as per the clients' needs. Designs I can call my own are increasingly rare and cool idea pieces seem even rarer. When I finally sit down to work on my own stuff, more often than not I find nothing but static and cobwebs occupying my brain.
On the rare occasion that an idea actually pops up, however, it almost never gets off the ground before I fall out of love with it. Indeed there are only three or four pieces floating around in my head that have lasted over the course of the last several years. Even among these ideas, I'm unsure if any of them are really worthy of the finite time I have to devote to them when not working on commissions or doing the various other tasks necessary to make life's machine run smoothly. I do not work quickly and so I need to feel confident in the value of the end result. Admittedly that's a pretty twisted way of looking at things for a guy who likes the process so much, but there has to be a payoff somehow for me not to feel like I've wasted my time on something when I could have either made a couple bucks more on a paid gig, or spent that time with my loved ones.
I guess the short version of this answer is that right now the ideas aren't flowing, but I know that I'm pretty excited by the few ideas I do have. Truth be told, I've only recently started asking myself what I want out of my work and pondering how to get it, and the lack of answers is certainly a huge factor in my current state of mind. I have faith that I'll figure it all out and come back around again. In fact, I can already feel it beginning to happen. So I guess I've got that going for me. Which is nice.
Third, am I having issues with the industry? Well, there's an element of that, yeah. In fact, it's an issue that has been weighing on a lot of people's minds of late. The truth is that within fantasy gaming art, there are very few companies that pay well. Even those that do provide decent compensation cannot guarantee enough work to keep an illustrator above the poverty line. This issue was discussed quite honestly and at great length during a panel at IlluxCon this past year that can be listened to here.
While there continues to be a great demand for quality artwork, the glut of talent and limited amount of funds makes for a very difficult environment indeed. In the dozen or so years I've been illustrating professionally, rates have simply not increased — and in some cases they've even gotten lower. Since the cost of living has continued to go up, the only way to keep the lights on is to shoulder more and more work (which is what led to the limited time available for personal work mentioned above). So, it's getting harder and harder to make a living doing this job — especially for someone who works traditionally, like myself.
To me, if one finds that they're not really in love with their work and it's not paying particularly well, it's only natural for one to question the value of continuing down that path. Curiously, despite my funk, I've decided to keep illustrating for the time being. Were I to win the lottery, who knows? But right now, I'm going to keep at it.
Anyway, thanks to everyone who wrote in, messaged me, and called. Good to know I still rank in some peoples' monkeysphere. I should have the belated update on the personal piece tomorrow or on the weekend. I'm behind due to an incorrectly remembered schedule and the hurried preparation for last week's Magic Grand Prix in Atlantic City preempting any painting I might have gotten done.
First off, several folks pointed out that it sounded as though I were complaining about something that they themselves were aspiring to do and were quick to point out how lucky I am to be working on projects like Magic: the Gathering. So, how dare I complain about being unfulfilled.
I'm not going to argue my good fortune. It's true, after all. Magic is a great client that has treated me insanely well. While I do have complaints, they're minor ones that aren't the sort of thing that would cause me to walk away from anything. The issue of lack of fulfillment, as I see it, is not client or project specific. It's not even their fault. The shortcomings are my own. Of late, I've found my ability to turn many of my assignments into things that get me excited rather lacking. While I think I've kept my work to a certain level of quality, there's a spark that I feel is missing. If I'm not excited about something, it's impossible for me to make exciting work, and I feel like it's only a matter of time before that becomes apparent in the end result (if it hasn't already).
The actual cause for all of this is multifaceted and is something that has resulted in a lot of soul searching. Unfortunately, I don't have any clear answers apart from genre fatigue and a permeating sense of temporariness in much of my life. There are lots of things that add to the mix, but I'm working on it. The crux of the matter is that it's not really the fault of the clients, so please relax.
Second, I've been asked by a couple folks what I'd actually be excited to do. That's a hard question for me to answer. To be honest, I feel like I've suffered a degree of creativity drain. The increased prevalence of style guides in the industry has allowed parts of my brain to disengage to a certain extent. I'm not thinking about cool ideas as much as I once did and instead follow the art orders and style sheets as per the clients' needs. Designs I can call my own are increasingly rare and cool idea pieces seem even rarer. When I finally sit down to work on my own stuff, more often than not I find nothing but static and cobwebs occupying my brain.
On the rare occasion that an idea actually pops up, however, it almost never gets off the ground before I fall out of love with it. Indeed there are only three or four pieces floating around in my head that have lasted over the course of the last several years. Even among these ideas, I'm unsure if any of them are really worthy of the finite time I have to devote to them when not working on commissions or doing the various other tasks necessary to make life's machine run smoothly. I do not work quickly and so I need to feel confident in the value of the end result. Admittedly that's a pretty twisted way of looking at things for a guy who likes the process so much, but there has to be a payoff somehow for me not to feel like I've wasted my time on something when I could have either made a couple bucks more on a paid gig, or spent that time with my loved ones.
I guess the short version of this answer is that right now the ideas aren't flowing, but I know that I'm pretty excited by the few ideas I do have. Truth be told, I've only recently started asking myself what I want out of my work and pondering how to get it, and the lack of answers is certainly a huge factor in my current state of mind. I have faith that I'll figure it all out and come back around again. In fact, I can already feel it beginning to happen. So I guess I've got that going for me. Which is nice.
Third, am I having issues with the industry? Well, there's an element of that, yeah. In fact, it's an issue that has been weighing on a lot of people's minds of late. The truth is that within fantasy gaming art, there are very few companies that pay well. Even those that do provide decent compensation cannot guarantee enough work to keep an illustrator above the poverty line. This issue was discussed quite honestly and at great length during a panel at IlluxCon this past year that can be listened to here.
While there continues to be a great demand for quality artwork, the glut of talent and limited amount of funds makes for a very difficult environment indeed. In the dozen or so years I've been illustrating professionally, rates have simply not increased — and in some cases they've even gotten lower. Since the cost of living has continued to go up, the only way to keep the lights on is to shoulder more and more work (which is what led to the limited time available for personal work mentioned above). So, it's getting harder and harder to make a living doing this job — especially for someone who works traditionally, like myself.
To me, if one finds that they're not really in love with their work and it's not paying particularly well, it's only natural for one to question the value of continuing down that path. Curiously, despite my funk, I've decided to keep illustrating for the time being. Were I to win the lottery, who knows? But right now, I'm going to keep at it.
Anyway, thanks to everyone who wrote in, messaged me, and called. Good to know I still rank in some peoples' monkeysphere. I should have the belated update on the personal piece tomorrow or on the weekend. I'm behind due to an incorrectly remembered schedule and the hurried preparation for last week's Magic Grand Prix in Atlantic City preempting any painting I might have gotten done.
Monday, January 7, 2013
Where I Stand After 2012
Had I not caught the flu a week ago, I might have written an update sooner. But alas, no. The flu, I did get, and so I'm forced to try and catch up with the rest of my life which kept moving while I was down for the count. Since to this point I was either coughing too hard or too drugged out on cold medicine to pull such a post together, I'll go ahead and get this obligatory look back at 2012 over with. Please bear with me.
If there is a word I spoke more than any other over the course of last year, it would be "funk." I mentioned my funk several times on this blog and to be honest, I'm not entirely sure I've ever made clear the reasons for it (though I must admit to being a little unclear about the reasons, myself). Suffice it to say that I've been pretty dissatisfied with the work I've been doing, have been pretty unfulfilled by the assignments I've been getting, and overall I feel artistically underdeveloped. I feel like I should be further down the road than I am quality-wise, and I'm really questioning the financial value of the whole endeavor. In addition to these feelings, a variety of external reasons prevented me from completing as many paintings last year as is typical for me. On the other hand, the few paintings I did complete were quite a bit larger than my work tends to be, so it's probable that I came close to covering the same amount of surface area over the course of the year. All the while, I crept the closest I've ever gotten to throwing in the towel and calling it quits as an illustrator.
Yeah, you read that right. I almost walked away from it all. In fact, that idea still isn't off the table for me. Despite several attempts to kickstart some sort of positivity over the course of last year, I never quite managed to shake the cloud that I saw hanging over me. While I was getting increasingly frustrated, I didn't want to make any rash decisions, either. So, in the waning months, I committed to a different approach for the beginning of this year. Perhaps less work wasn't the answer. Perhaps I needed to try and power through the doldrums by taking on more work. I agreed to a few appearances at Magic tournaments, and began accepting assignments again at normal numbers. I figured taking this route would either succeed in rebooting my point of view or reconfirm all my feeling about the job and at least inform the next step — be it to walk away or veer off in a new direction. Either way, it would be a step forward.
Now, whether this plan works and 2013 shapes up to be a good one is, of course, a mystery. At the very least I'm optimistic about it all, as the number 13 has always been pretty lucky for me. 'Course I don't exactly buy into all that kind of stuff, but I'll take what I can get at this point. What I know for sure is that I'll be signing a whole lot of stuff in the near future, will be back to painting away at some paid gigs again, and will hopefully find my way back to being at least a little okay with myself and my work.
In the meantime, I'll go ahead and answer some questions that one or two of you may be pondering. First, what does this all mean for my personal work? Even if I were to walk away from illustration, I wouldn't walk away from painting. The personal work would get done. For the time being, it'll just have to return to the background. I know that I want to complete the first big piece, but I'm also not in a rush. As I've said before, I'd rather take my time and not flub it in then interest of getting it out of the way. While I already have plans for a second large piece, the idea isn't going anywhere and there's no reason for me to rush things. I may end up with plenty of time to commit to its completion in another couple months, so I'm not too worried. Besides, I should have another update by the end of this week.
Second, what about the blog? With all the writing and travel, will you continue to update it? The short answer is yes. Whether or not I've overextended myself for the coming two months remains to be seen, but I don't see why I can't post something up here once or twice a week during that time. Will it necessarily be updates of new work with pictures and such? Not likely, as I don't have a whole lot coming out anytime soon and the stuff I'll be working on can't be shown. But I do happen to have more than a few posts in various stages of abandonment that I should be able to bang into something more serviceable. Will they be valuable? Dunno. Will they be entertaining? Couldn't say. I'll try on both fronts.
Third, what was that big earth-shattering evento teased in the last post? I still can't say. I've already mentioned that it's not impending children or any kind of marital woes. It's also not major illness or a puppy (that last one being much to my wife's chagrin). I'll leave it at this: the rumblings are big, the impact would be substantial, and it'll be hanging in the air for another three to five months. Maybe I'll be able to talk more about it then, maybe not. Point is that I can't really shed more light on it so this'll be the last I speak of it until I can. In fact, I probably should just have not even brought it up again.
Anyway, I've got a a plan to start implementing. Sketches to do, laundry to wash, etc. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that 2013 will bring more upbeat and positive things both for me, and for all the folks reading this. Also, I sincerely hope yours is flu-free 2013, alas it is too late for me.
If there is a word I spoke more than any other over the course of last year, it would be "funk." I mentioned my funk several times on this blog and to be honest, I'm not entirely sure I've ever made clear the reasons for it (though I must admit to being a little unclear about the reasons, myself). Suffice it to say that I've been pretty dissatisfied with the work I've been doing, have been pretty unfulfilled by the assignments I've been getting, and overall I feel artistically underdeveloped. I feel like I should be further down the road than I am quality-wise, and I'm really questioning the financial value of the whole endeavor. In addition to these feelings, a variety of external reasons prevented me from completing as many paintings last year as is typical for me. On the other hand, the few paintings I did complete were quite a bit larger than my work tends to be, so it's probable that I came close to covering the same amount of surface area over the course of the year. All the while, I crept the closest I've ever gotten to throwing in the towel and calling it quits as an illustrator.
Yeah, you read that right. I almost walked away from it all. In fact, that idea still isn't off the table for me. Despite several attempts to kickstart some sort of positivity over the course of last year, I never quite managed to shake the cloud that I saw hanging over me. While I was getting increasingly frustrated, I didn't want to make any rash decisions, either. So, in the waning months, I committed to a different approach for the beginning of this year. Perhaps less work wasn't the answer. Perhaps I needed to try and power through the doldrums by taking on more work. I agreed to a few appearances at Magic tournaments, and began accepting assignments again at normal numbers. I figured taking this route would either succeed in rebooting my point of view or reconfirm all my feeling about the job and at least inform the next step — be it to walk away or veer off in a new direction. Either way, it would be a step forward.
Now, whether this plan works and 2013 shapes up to be a good one is, of course, a mystery. At the very least I'm optimistic about it all, as the number 13 has always been pretty lucky for me. 'Course I don't exactly buy into all that kind of stuff, but I'll take what I can get at this point. What I know for sure is that I'll be signing a whole lot of stuff in the near future, will be back to painting away at some paid gigs again, and will hopefully find my way back to being at least a little okay with myself and my work.
In the meantime, I'll go ahead and answer some questions that one or two of you may be pondering. First, what does this all mean for my personal work? Even if I were to walk away from illustration, I wouldn't walk away from painting. The personal work would get done. For the time being, it'll just have to return to the background. I know that I want to complete the first big piece, but I'm also not in a rush. As I've said before, I'd rather take my time and not flub it in then interest of getting it out of the way. While I already have plans for a second large piece, the idea isn't going anywhere and there's no reason for me to rush things. I may end up with plenty of time to commit to its completion in another couple months, so I'm not too worried. Besides, I should have another update by the end of this week.
Second, what about the blog? With all the writing and travel, will you continue to update it? The short answer is yes. Whether or not I've overextended myself for the coming two months remains to be seen, but I don't see why I can't post something up here once or twice a week during that time. Will it necessarily be updates of new work with pictures and such? Not likely, as I don't have a whole lot coming out anytime soon and the stuff I'll be working on can't be shown. But I do happen to have more than a few posts in various stages of abandonment that I should be able to bang into something more serviceable. Will they be valuable? Dunno. Will they be entertaining? Couldn't say. I'll try on both fronts.
Third, what was that big earth-shattering evento teased in the last post? I still can't say. I've already mentioned that it's not impending children or any kind of marital woes. It's also not major illness or a puppy (that last one being much to my wife's chagrin). I'll leave it at this: the rumblings are big, the impact would be substantial, and it'll be hanging in the air for another three to five months. Maybe I'll be able to talk more about it then, maybe not. Point is that I can't really shed more light on it so this'll be the last I speak of it until I can. In fact, I probably should just have not even brought it up again.
Anyway, I've got a a plan to start implementing. Sketches to do, laundry to wash, etc. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that 2013 will bring more upbeat and positive things both for me, and for all the folks reading this. Also, I sincerely hope yours is flu-free 2013, alas it is too late for me.
Friday, December 14, 2012
Personal Piece Update 6
So, it's been a while. Much longer than I'd intended, really. I knew I was going to be away for a bit while I was out of the country over the Thanksgiving holiday, but by no means was I planning on being away from the blog for an additional couple of weeks. I have quite a list of reasons as to why I've been so distracted, but I'll give you the bullet points version of the biggest (if you happen to be interested).
• Rats. They're in our yard again, and I've spent an awful lot of time working on eradicating them. Poisoning, laying traps, and filling their holes is not how I like to spend my time, but it's necessary to keep them at bay and out of our house.
• Repairs. The good news is that I sold a couple pieces. The bad news is that they'd been packed away since our move from Massachusetts to New Jersey a little less than a year ago. When I pulled them out to pack them up, I realized that they'd both suffered some damage. It was worth it to me to repair the pieces and sell them, and I think I might have even improved the one. However, this took more time than I expected.
• Rumination. It's not really news that I've been in a bit of a funk of late. I'm not super happy about my where I'm at artistically. I'm not as good as I want to be. I'm not inspired. And I'm not exactly as happy as I know I should be being as illustration is basically a dream job. I feel like I'm going through the motions and that I've dropped the ball on a lot of my work lately. Weirdly, I've been assured by art directors that they're just not seeing the lapses that I do, so clearly there's a bit of a disconnect. Knowing that it's mostly in my head oddly has not helped much.
• Rumblings. Potentially a major contributor to the feeling above, there are events on the horizon that may come to pass or may not. If they do, the impact on my work life would be pretty huge. It could mean good things in the long run, but a great deal of upheaval in the short term. If you're thinking it's children or divorce, you're barking up the wrong tree and indeed are not even in the correct forest. Suffice it to say that just knowing that there are even potential tectonic shifts afoot is enough to keep me from feeling settled and truly relaxed. Some people thrive on that tension, but it's the kind of thing that makes me want to hide in the closet until it's all over. Of course, it could all blow over and end up being that thing that almost was, but until we've gotten to that point, I'll be driven to distraction by it.
Now, I started doing this personal piece for a variety of reasons. The first was that I wanted to own something again. The copyright for the vast majority of images I produce is completely bought out by my clients. Throughout my entire art education, I was constantly warned of the evils of this practice only to find that it was standard procedure in my chosen facet of the industry (fantasy and sci/fi gaming). If I wanted to do that kind of work, I'd have to suck up any objections. Indeed, the most I could hope for in the majority of cases is that a given client would let me keep the original painting and maybe sell some prints along the way.
In addition to the surrender of legal ownership, I've felt an increasing lack of creative ownership. Over the course of my 11 years in the industry, the protection of intellectual property and enforceable points of difference between companies' products has led to more styleguides, more unified aesthetics, and less personal influence over the end result. Sure, I often can chose the composition of image and its color palette, but very often the design of the elements I'm playing with are predetermined. Obviously this is not the case for every assignment, and I'm not even sure that I can say that it's true for the majority of them. And, it's also worth noting that certain clients provide a lot more freedom than others. Nevertheless, there's been a very real decrease in the amount of input I get within the body of work that I produce each year.
So, those are two of the major reasons why this piece exists. The third major reason is that I was hoping to shake myself free of the cloudy mental state mentioned above in bullet point three. Thus far, I'm not sure it's worked. If it had, I feel like I'd have finished it by now. As you can see below, I haven't.
Nope. Definitely not done. However, I think I've figured a few things out. Believe it or not, there's been a fair amount of work done on the piece since last I posted an update. Sure, there's the noticeable increase in ground covered with the background being blocked in and all, but there's a lot you might not see beyond that.
Originally, I was thinking the palette might be pretty broad. Despite appearances from the previous images, the skin tones were actually quite warm, as were were many of the darks and medium tones within the figure. For some reason, I decided that I'd rather it be a cooler piece and began reworking much of what was already "finished" to be consistent with the now revised plan. That meant repainting the face, hands, and much of the sweater, as well.
In addition to the revised palette, I decided on a plan of attack so as to perhaps complete this piece sometime soon. Looking at the image above, said plan is probably pretty self-explanatory, but I like typing so I'll just go ahead and spell it out. My goal will be to finish everything within the window frame and slowly work my way out from there. I say slowly because I will soon have assignments competing for my time, relegating this piece to the background to a certain extent. When it will be completed I can't quite say, but I know that I'd rather not rush things. I waited a long time to start bringing this piece into existence, and waiting some more to see it completed seems a small sacrifice if I end up being happy with the end result
• Rats. They're in our yard again, and I've spent an awful lot of time working on eradicating them. Poisoning, laying traps, and filling their holes is not how I like to spend my time, but it's necessary to keep them at bay and out of our house.
• Repairs. The good news is that I sold a couple pieces. The bad news is that they'd been packed away since our move from Massachusetts to New Jersey a little less than a year ago. When I pulled them out to pack them up, I realized that they'd both suffered some damage. It was worth it to me to repair the pieces and sell them, and I think I might have even improved the one. However, this took more time than I expected.
• Rumination. It's not really news that I've been in a bit of a funk of late. I'm not super happy about my where I'm at artistically. I'm not as good as I want to be. I'm not inspired. And I'm not exactly as happy as I know I should be being as illustration is basically a dream job. I feel like I'm going through the motions and that I've dropped the ball on a lot of my work lately. Weirdly, I've been assured by art directors that they're just not seeing the lapses that I do, so clearly there's a bit of a disconnect. Knowing that it's mostly in my head oddly has not helped much.
• Rumblings. Potentially a major contributor to the feeling above, there are events on the horizon that may come to pass or may not. If they do, the impact on my work life would be pretty huge. It could mean good things in the long run, but a great deal of upheaval in the short term. If you're thinking it's children or divorce, you're barking up the wrong tree and indeed are not even in the correct forest. Suffice it to say that just knowing that there are even potential tectonic shifts afoot is enough to keep me from feeling settled and truly relaxed. Some people thrive on that tension, but it's the kind of thing that makes me want to hide in the closet until it's all over. Of course, it could all blow over and end up being that thing that almost was, but until we've gotten to that point, I'll be driven to distraction by it.
Now, I started doing this personal piece for a variety of reasons. The first was that I wanted to own something again. The copyright for the vast majority of images I produce is completely bought out by my clients. Throughout my entire art education, I was constantly warned of the evils of this practice only to find that it was standard procedure in my chosen facet of the industry (fantasy and sci/fi gaming). If I wanted to do that kind of work, I'd have to suck up any objections. Indeed, the most I could hope for in the majority of cases is that a given client would let me keep the original painting and maybe sell some prints along the way.
In addition to the surrender of legal ownership, I've felt an increasing lack of creative ownership. Over the course of my 11 years in the industry, the protection of intellectual property and enforceable points of difference between companies' products has led to more styleguides, more unified aesthetics, and less personal influence over the end result. Sure, I often can chose the composition of image and its color palette, but very often the design of the elements I'm playing with are predetermined. Obviously this is not the case for every assignment, and I'm not even sure that I can say that it's true for the majority of them. And, it's also worth noting that certain clients provide a lot more freedom than others. Nevertheless, there's been a very real decrease in the amount of input I get within the body of work that I produce each year.
So, those are two of the major reasons why this piece exists. The third major reason is that I was hoping to shake myself free of the cloudy mental state mentioned above in bullet point three. Thus far, I'm not sure it's worked. If it had, I feel like I'd have finished it by now. As you can see below, I haven't.
Nope. Definitely not done. However, I think I've figured a few things out. Believe it or not, there's been a fair amount of work done on the piece since last I posted an update. Sure, there's the noticeable increase in ground covered with the background being blocked in and all, but there's a lot you might not see beyond that.
Originally, I was thinking the palette might be pretty broad. Despite appearances from the previous images, the skin tones were actually quite warm, as were were many of the darks and medium tones within the figure. For some reason, I decided that I'd rather it be a cooler piece and began reworking much of what was already "finished" to be consistent with the now revised plan. That meant repainting the face, hands, and much of the sweater, as well.
In addition to the revised palette, I decided on a plan of attack so as to perhaps complete this piece sometime soon. Looking at the image above, said plan is probably pretty self-explanatory, but I like typing so I'll just go ahead and spell it out. My goal will be to finish everything within the window frame and slowly work my way out from there. I say slowly because I will soon have assignments competing for my time, relegating this piece to the background to a certain extent. When it will be completed I can't quite say, but I know that I'd rather not rush things. I waited a long time to start bringing this piece into existence, and waiting some more to see it completed seems a small sacrifice if I end up being happy with the end result
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